Of What Could Have Been
by letsbefwb
Summary: AU. Living without Bo


**Author's Notes: **Just something that I thought of while stuck in a traffic jam for an hour. Sorry for the mistakes as it has not been beta-ed. There might be a sequel the next time! who knows! Oh and of course, disclaimer, plot is all my own but characters belongs to Prodigy Pictures

The commuters watched with calculated sympathy as the attractive blond with the white cane, boarded the bus and painstakingly made her way up the steps of the bus, feeling her way around. The bus driver flashed her a smile and though Lauren could not see, she could feel his kindly smile. That was the thing about losing your sight; people are generally more sympathetic towards her. Yet the notion of sympathy does not sit well with Lauren.

Like clockwork, Lauren paid the fare, walked down the aisle, using her hands to feel her way around for a seat, constantly apologizing when she happened to brush someone by accident. Finally having found an empty seat at the back of the bus, she tried to make herself as comfortable as possible and settled in for the 45 minutes bus journey. As the bus started moving, Lauren can't help but reminise about life before she was rendered sightless and thrown into this world of absolute darkness, despair, frustration and anger. She was a doctor; she was supposed to be the one saving humanity with her science, not the other way around.

It had been more than a year since the accidental explosion in her research lab that had caused Lauren to lose her sight and the way she sees it; an inconvenience to all those around her. Before the accident, she had her perfect life; she had that kind of great love that everyone talks about and would give anything to have. She had her science and the stimulus that it offered. Many would have considered her lucky, and indeed she truly believed she was and she never took it for granted. She had always remembered what Charles Bukowski, her favourite author, had once said. "There will always be something to ruin our lives, it all depends on what or which finds us first. We are always ripe and ready to be taken." Indeed that was Lauren's life now, losing her sight threw her into a precarious downward spiral of emotions. Bo had stood by her, loved her and watched her sink deeper into despair each day, but had never left her. Instead it had been Lauren doing the leaving. She had just woke up one day, realized how much she was hurting Bo, hating herself for that and she had packed her bags and left with not even a word of goodbye.

Yes, that was Bo. Always the one with the big heart. Lauren was in love with her and still is. She would not have left Bo for anything else in the world but she knew, even without seeing, that it was taking a toll on Bo; her moodswings, her irrational demands for attention and her insecurity (no matter how many times Bo reassured her that she loves her and that everything is going to be okay). She knew it was a matter of time before Bo left. She did not deserve someone like Bo and Bo did not deserve to be treated that way. She deserves to be free and not be bogged down with the burden of taking care of a visually impaired.

She thought

"If you love someone or something, set it free

If it comes back to you, it is yours

If it doesn't, it is never meant to be."

Lauren did not want her inferiority to swallow her love for Bo no matter how hard it was, coupled with the fact that she had regretted leaving on impulse that fateful day. She had wanted to just go back and apologize for how she has been ever since. She just wanted to be in Bo's arms. Again. But she also knew, even if she were to return, nothing would have change and she was not that selfish to think that she could eventually become everything that _she_ needed. The regret of letting Bo go played like a broken record every single day, causing an inexplicable ache in what normal people would refer to as the heart (Lauren would know better; she's a doctor, for goodness sake). The only way Lauren was able to counter this realtiy: Instilling the idea in her already encumbered brilliant mind that Bo would be happier without her. Without _Lauren_.

And today was the same like any other..


End file.
